Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
