never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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