i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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