I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
