I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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