Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
