ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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