Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
