And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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