So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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