Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
