oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
