I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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