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I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
