you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
