Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
