I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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