I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
