I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
