girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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