I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize