So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
