Don't you send me to vm
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
