mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
