see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize