Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
