I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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