my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
