Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
