I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
