In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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