Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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