I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
