i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
