It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
