Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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