I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
