It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
