You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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