Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
