guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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