sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
