our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to calm my uterus...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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