Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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