We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
