i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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