Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
a search helicopter?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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