the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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