textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
