Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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