u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
