Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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