well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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