I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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