Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize