I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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