Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
