As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
