Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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