I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
false alarm. still invincible.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
