Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
