alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm at about main and main street
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
