the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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